Time's up...

That exam is upon me, it's tomorrow morning, bright and early.

I've been doing a nice bit of work for it over the past week/fortnight, and looking at the paper, I'm pretty hopeful I should be able to scrounge up the 40% necessary to pass it this time.

I really need things to go well tomorrow though ._.
Fingers crossed and all that, eh?

I actually have the notes this time too, that was something of a problem last time >.>

Still though, I can feel my apprehension/worry/stress rising even as I type..lovely.

I’m supposed to care, right?

I don’t know what’s up with me these days. I’ve become really apathetic to more or less everything around me.

 

I just don’t care for anything but my own entertainment at the moment.

Which is all fine and dandy, but with an exam coming up, me being somewhat unwilling to open a book and study isn’t exactly a great thing…

 

Of course, it would help if I could actually get brought to the library in order to do some of that thing called “study”, but current circumstances regards living arrangements aren’t the most favourable for that, of course.

 

I really need something to go right for me soon, as it seems like so much is wrong with my life, and indeed, me.

Unshed tears

I'm not going to lie, or hide how I feel, etc. As unmanly as it is and all that...

I need to let go of a lot right now. It's occurred to me how much....unpleasantness I've endured over the past year, and yet I've given no outward indication of it to anyone, technically myself included.

I feel like a good cry, as it were. Heaven knows that it's actually a huge relief! However, subconsciously it seems I feel it's "wrong", and despite the fact that I actually want to...I can't.

It takes serious emotional upheaval to push me far enough to let loose, which doesn't really cut it, as you can imagine, due to the fact that such instances are extremely rare...

I really hate all this men can't show emotion lark, it's really hard to deal with under the wrong circumstances.

Procrastination for the nation!

I have a serious problem I think: I can’t bring to do anything constructive these days. In particular study for the exams in May.

 

I keep saying to myself “I’ll do it in April, I’ll do it in April…..”, but I don’t know what will happen even then. You’d think that failing the exam last year and needing to repeat this year would be enough to motivate me, but apparently not.

 

Now, of course I do only have the one subject (maths) this year, which is influencing my lack of enthusiasm. And I will have all of April and most of May off, all for studying, so as long as things work out in my favour it should, in theory, be okay….

Albeit last year things went very much awry at this same time….how encouraging for me.

 

Also, it’s come to my attention that I’m short sighted, and thusly should have glasses. And yet I can’t be bothered to go and get a free eye test. Although it should be said, that I think the extortionate cost of the glasses themselves is influencing my procrastination in that department.

 

But really though, I’m beginning to question if there’s something wrong with me….

Just walk away

So, after managing to get caught out by those travelers that sell must-be-stolen goods, I've come to despise my inability to say no and just walk away...

The watch that got shifted on me, which wasn't even working (¬_¬) was promptly thrown in the river as I was pissed off with myself.
I am truly incapable of just saying no and walking away like other people do, I don't know why I'm like that...

And what also bothers me is "the gypsys" that sit on the streets begging for money. I never give them any, as more often than not I don't have any anyway, and recently I've taken to just ignoring them while listening to my ipod, but I always feel guilty when I do it.

I'm a hopeless case really. I just care too much, and that's my greatest downfall.

University concerns

Before I go off on this, I will say I am already attending uni, currently in my second year in fact...

The problem is I lack motivation. I just find the whole uni life way too....different I suppose. I have to repeat first year mzths this year, as I failed the exam last year. You think that'd motivate me, but no.

I go to the lectures, just about, but I don't have the foggiest idea about wtf is happening. It's the most arbitrary stuff ever to me. I need to know why something happens to fully understand stuff, but the stuff we're doing at this time is way over my head. And I'm not alone in that either, everyone seems to feel the same.

I just go on autopilot during most lectures (take notes, but my mind isn't really in it). The exams this year are in May, and we have all of April off for "study". I will have to study then, as I've not done a thing yet...

I don't even know if I'll pass this year. I hope I do, naturally, but with everything going on in my life these days it's becoming a secondary concern to me. Not a good place to be, I think.

I need a job

As my blatantly obvious title suggests, I could really do with a job right now.

 

However, try as I might, I seem incapable of securing one. Due to various circumstances, I don’t have any previous experience that I would put on a CV, yet pretty much anywhere one would go looking for any kind of work want a CV.

And that basically seems to boil down to them only going for the experienced people. Great.

 

And to add salt to the wound, due to the ever worsening state of the Irish economy, people are losing jobs left, right and centre. Not a particularly favourable time to be looking for a job, as not only are very few places taking people on (if any), and also there are floods of experienced people becoming available for, and indeed looking for, work.

 

I wonder how people start out these days, as it really doesn’t look good.

Otherworldly wonder

I’m completely fascinated with the night sky. On a clear night I can’t help but stop and look up at the stars, often for long periods. I just lose myself in wonderment.

 

I’m not sure I find it so alluring, but I genuinely could just stare away at the stars for hours without realising.

I often wonder if humanity are alone in the universe, or is there life out there somewhere?

 

I’m not a “true believer” or anything, but I do feel there has to be some form of life elsewhere, surely. I mean, the universe is no small place, for Earth to be unique in its sustaining life would be… well I don’t how to describe it but you know what I’m getting at.

 

I can’t help but feel that the scientists are bit narrow minded when it comes to astrobiology, always looking for signs of life as we know it. I always wonder why life elsewhere seems to have to conform to the way it works on earth. Who’s to say there isn’t some alternate form elsewhere, that happened under different conditions. Looking at bacteria, it’s quite possible, right?

Days forever gone

I've touched on this before, but I think I need to revisit the past once more.

I'm not going to lie, I really miss being a kid. Everything was just so much simpler back in the day. I had nary a thought of the wider world, and everything was well. (Or at least so I thought).

They say youth is wasted on the young, but from I stand, those years may not seem like much at the time, but when you get older, the memories become cherished.
Nothing quite compares to the naivety of a child, I feel. Their innocence is enviable.

I often contemplated keeping a diary in my younger years, but I never got around to a proper effort. I regret this now of course, as all I have are scattered memories.

I'm only 20 and already world weary....what is the world coming to?

The end of TRF?

TheRexFactor.

The name most of you reading this will likely know me by. I've used it, or some derivation of it, for most usernames I've made over the past year.

However, over that same period I've come to detest it. Go me, creating a name that I now find irksome. Why oh why did I have to use it for so much?

I'm not sure why I've come to dislike it so much, but I really do dislike it now. I may need to change things...

Where has all the time gone?

This is my first post post in a while, no?

One has to love the hectic life that occurs in families in the process of a divorce. My mom somehow managed to rope me into living with her (as opposed to with grandmother, with whom I had been staying with for the two months prior). Hence I've been lacking 'net access due to the location of the house.

I was going to go on about how deluded my father is...(I haven't seen him in those same two months), but I can't be bothered anymore really. Mellowing is fun.

Anyway, I really can't keep track of the time anymore. I only have Uni on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays atm, and once I'm done on Thursday, the rest of the days until Tuesday following just melt away.

I have a PS3 again at least. Sony failed me completely so we just got a new one. It all worked out in the end.

That said, things look set to get a lot tougher in future, but I'll go into detail next time.

Go away, I want to be alone.

Today's post is dedicated to my cousin. Who happens to annoy me more than I can describe.

I genuinely prefer to be left alone, I like my own company. However, my dear cousin, who's older than I am, refuses to let that happen.

He just doesn't seem to get me at all. And I can't see how anyone can't see that I like being left alone :G
I wouldn't mind, but whenever he's around, he literally follows my steps, and he's near always present.

I probably sound like a horrible person right now, but I truly can't stomach it. I'm not a fan of conversation really; I find it difficult to talk to people unless the subject matter is something of interest to me. However, he constantly talks to me, and always asks the same thing:
"Do you think you'll ever travel" or some variation of that. And I always give the same reply:
"Probably not". And yet I still get asked the same thing almost every week.

Another thing that grates me is he has no manners. I mean, he's so rude it actually disgusts me at times.
Also, we live in Cork. He lived in the capital, Dublin for a few years though. Now in almost every conversation we have, he always brings up Dublin > Cork. And believe me when I say that's an insult to a Cork man like myself. I would get over this, but he brings it up at every opportunity, and quite frankly I'm sick of it

And today he managed to really tick me off. I was literally about to get on the bus to go home after Uni, when I get a phone call from himself asking me to wait on in town so we could browsing the shops (which is something I don't really do). So I agreed just to keep him happy. So I had to wait around in the cold for a while.

Then when he finally arrives, I meet some of my friends whom I'd not met in ages. Now, I don't talk much generally, but with himself around I hardly get a word in, as he seems to be incapable of hearing me speaking and always speaks over me. So anyway, we eventually arranged to go to the cinema. I was pretty happy about that, except you know who was coming too ;-;
That feel through in the end though (about ten minutes ago in fact, hence my irritation).

I could go on, but I won't subject you to my angry rantings any further.

The return of “Stop n’ Swop”

Ah, the infamous Stop n’ Swop. Any fan of Banjo’s games on the N64 should know of it.

 

If for some reason, you don’t know what Stop n’ Swop is….then shame on you.

Basically it was a theoretical system by which certain items (Six coloured eggs and a giant Ice Key) collected in the game Banjo-Kazooie could be used to unlock secrets in its sequel, Banjo-Tooie.

However, due to changes made to the N64 during it’s lifetime, this “hot swapping” became an impossibility, so eventually the idea was scrapped :(

 

However, as Banjo fans should be aware, early last December, Banjo-Kazooie was relaunched as a ported game on XBLA. This new BK had Stop n’ Swop functionality with the new 360 game, Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts. However, this was not the true Stop n’ Swop as originally planned by Rare. More of a cop out in fact.

 

However, gamers who did this new Stop n’ Swop, quickly noticed that the items collected it BK stayed in the game, even after “swopping” to Nuts & Bolts…

And so began the speculation that Banjo-Tooie’s port for XBLA may have S n’ S functionality restored, as it was originally intended.

 

And as of today, it’s been confirmed that this is indeed the case.

Naturally enough that is an exciting prospect.

 

I take this with a pinch of salt however, as Rare wording could mean it’s not the S n’ S. Hopefully it is though.

The sound of silence.

If you've been following my writings, then you shall notice it's been a day or day since I last posted anything.

Reason for this is I've gotten myself addicted to Fable II. With my PS3 still....not working....I needed something to fill the void.

And Fable has done just that.

And so I've locked myself away from other actual people.
Go me!

“I have my own forum, therefore I must be cool”

Recently I’ve noticed many people are setting up their own forums and calling for new people to join because “We need members!”. I for one find this trend extremely annoying.

 

I joined ONM by choice. I will join another forum if I want, but for the love of bejesus stop asking people to join just because you want some members.

The main concern I have with these forums, is they’re often quickly set up type things, and generally aren’t all that appealing when compared to a “proper” forum visually.

Secondly, many of them may as well be “ONM 2”. The same forums almost down to a T. WTF is the point?

Thirdly, the names of some of them are downright awful. I’d name names, but then people would be more angry than they no doubt already are.

 

And I notice a lot of the time when I take a look at one these forums, that there’s really only a few members. They never admit defeat though. Oh no, they post away and scheme about how to lure in the new people.

 

That said though, they’re not all bad. Just the vast majority.

The hype train has entered the station.

It’s not like me to hype games. As any self respecting gamer should know, hype is the bane of gaming.

Yet I can’t help but feel really excited about some upcoming games.

Prime among them is Resident Evil 5. I got Resident Evil Degeneration on DVD today, and included in the special features were two Resi 5 trailers. I want it. Badly. I loved 4, and this looks more of the same style. Plus Wesker is in it. He’s awesome.

Hopefully my PS3 is fixed by March. I’m beginning to wonder at this point ¬¬. I’m seriously considering just buying a new one over the whole fiasco. But anyway.

Also on my radar is the quite frankly awesome looking Flower. Yes, flower.

It’s a PSN exclusive “game”. But really it’s one of those “not quite a game” games. Here’s a gameplay video:

And of course, me being a "generic Halo fan" I'm looking forward to Halo Wars. It's a console RTS. I have high hopes for it. Especially as some of my best gaming experiences were with RTS games.
Also on the Halo front is Halo 3: ODST. This looks fairly interesting, as it will require a different approach than the previous games.

I'm also curious about Killzone 2. I like the FPS genre for a bit of fun, and Killzone looks shmexy. Again though, this one is reliant on me having my PS3 back.

And then the last two. Both are on the distant horizon:

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. I loved the first Uncharted. And from what I've seen and heard about the sequel, I have high hopes for it.

And finally: Final Fantasy XIII. I'm quite interested in this. I've never played an FF game before, so this looks likely to be my first. And it looks simply sublime too.

The avatar crusade.

Those familiar with me from the "Comment on the poster above" game from ONM's games section will know that I have a disliking of avatars that are larger than "the rules" state.

I'm oft asked my reason for this.

Simply put I just like following the rules. That, and when the inevitable lag hits, the big ones really get annoying.
They take ages to load, and if they happen to be wallpaper sized (which a surprising amount people actually use) then they cause the page to jump around very annoyingly as they load and the forum "resizes them". It doesn't actually resize them at all, as some people think. It just scales them down, but only after they've fully loaded.

What's worse is that the big ones push the avatar box off screen, so if you're not prepared you could end up stuck with it unless you know your way around browsers.

So there you have it. That's why I hate big avatars.
Adblock Plus is a dream come true though.

Old, Happy, Close to Heart Things

In a counter to yesterday’s post, today I’m going to focus on good memories; nostalgia.

I’ve recently had the pleasure of hearing some Pokémon music themes remixed by a guy going by the name PokeRemixStudio on YouTube. Hearing said music brought back a lot a lot of fond memories of the good ol’ days, as you say.

Also, I watched the film Amélie this morning for the first time.

These two seemingly unrelated occurrences made me realise how it’s the small things that make all the difference.

The little details that you don’t take much notice of at the time, are the foundations of our unique experiences. Each person sees things from a different perspective, leading to slightly differing recollections of the same event.

This is turn cements the uniqueness we all share. No two people are the same. And that’s how it should be.

Old, Unhappy, Far-Off Things

They say our past shapes our future…

And while that’s all fine and dandy I wish we didn’t have to remember everything.

There are things I want to forget, but I can’t.

I won’t lie. I feel stupidly guilty over the littlest things. And of course I can’t forget a lot of those things so they haunt me…

Since humans are so “evolved” how come we don’t have an erase button? I know there’s repressed memories and all that, but good luck doing that at will ;)

Ah well. Maybe someday someone will discover something that can selectively erase memories. Not all of them though lol.

Although that raises a question in itself…

By trying to escape from your past, do you alter your very self in the process? Our memories shape who are at the end of the day after all.

The short end of the stick.

Whilst discussing my currently broken PS3 with Andy over msn last night, it occurred to me how much living in the ROI sucks for a lot of things.

This all starts when I call a Dublin number to contact Sony. From there I get redirected twice, eventually getting onto the tech support line for Playstation stuff. Sounds okay right?
'Fraid not. Turns out this call centre is in England. I mean what use is that to me? So I give the details and all that, only to be told that my PS3 is out of warranty.....Eventually this leads to the generic "I'll talk to my supervisor and contact you in a few days".
I mean seriously. At this point I'm seriously considering just buying a new PS3, because I have the feeling I'd have to pay to have the current one fixed anyway, etc.

And yet, I hear on ONM that when someone's 60GB PS3 (which would make it automatically older than mine) breaks, they call up Sony, it gets taken away by courier pretty much immediately and within a few days it's back, all fixed up. Seriously now, how is that fair?

And this idea extends to other things too.

I can't understand the reasoning. I mean N. Ireland is considered part of the UK, in all aspects including currency, and thus they get "rights" that the rest of us Irish can only dream of, despite the fact that N. Irl is geographically further away from England than the rest of Irl.

Whoever came up with "Luck of the Irish" had some lovely rose tinted glasses from what I see.